Last year, a couple of months before Christmas, about the end of October I spent an evening in a police cell, lovely. My now ex-partner exploded, I remember that night as Jessica was playing up and wouldnt go to bed, so I ask her (her being the ex) to take Jessica to bed, as my back was playing up and I couldnt lift my own daughter. She refused, what resulted was a slanging match with her asking me to leave, I said no, so she tried to strangle me instead. Learning she didnt wasnt going to make a good mass murderer anytime soon, she grabbed Jessica (yup, she tried to strangle me infront of our daughter) and ran into the neighbours, prompty pinching my mobile in the process and smashing up the landline phone. About half hour passes and the police showed up, as it was a domestic they took us both in. Spent a couple of lovely hours in a cell, as did she, did the interview thing, the end result was I released without charge and I declined taking any action against my partner, oh what an idiot I was. The police took us home in the same car (!) It was about two in the morning(ish) maybe a bit earier. I managed to talk to her, and we argeed, like adults that we needed to sort something out for Jessicas sake. Next day comes along.
Now, in fairness, the morning started fine. Then the phone call happened. It was my partners parents, I am now told that if I am not "gone" her grandparents wont let us have Jessica back, I pointed out thats illegal and maybe even kidnapping, but my partner thought we couldnt do anything and never see Jessica again, etc etc. I said its simple, they are possibly breaking the law and I should call the police. She starts screaming "Dont call the police on me!" I said, not you, but what your parents are doing, again she runs screaming into the neighbours flat. Okay, police werent called, but about 10 to 15 minutes later, my partner shows back up with brother and mother... and start tidying the bedrooms..? Now, they never once entered the front room where I was, but I wasnt okay with the situation. A couple of hours pass before they go, taking Jessica with them again. My partner says I have to go, and tried phoning my father/sister/anyone she thought I could "go" too. To no avail. As I point out, it was also my name on the agreement, I am not just going to get up and go after going through the whole homeless/hostle situation in my past. I then got the whole "You are not seeing your daughter again" routine, which, couple that with my current state of mind, put me at perhaps my lowest state of mind ive even been.
I made an attempt at my life, no, im not proud of that, but the fact is, it happened. It was perhaps the most surreal moment in my life, I remember making myself a cup of coffee, I asked her where my pills were. Took coffee and pills into the bathroom, go outside, kissed her on the forehead, returned to the bathroom and locked the door, and did what I did. But what made even stranger, it was like I wasnt that person, I was someone else watching some guy try and do himself in, I wasnt that person doing it. A couple of minutes pass when the ex gets a phone call (which turned out to be Wayne, of all people.) And it was Wayne who convinced her to dial 999, next thing I know im in the back of ambalance rigged into various machines, I remembered that I said to the paramedic crews that I refuse to go, because I know she wouldnt let me back in, the driver made her promise to let me back in when I was discharged, that was the last time I saw my flat as my home.
I was put into the highcare part of of the A+E after a couple of hours, I was moved into normal part of the ward because they were sure I wasnt going to die anytime soon, I was discharged next day, with no lift home, like those nice police with nothing but a dying phone battery and a bus pass. I tried to phone home, she hung up on me after I said hello, I tried about 2 more times with no answer, so I made my way to local police station and explain to them. (Bare in mind still, its still my name on the rent card). Police took me round, she refused entry, according to the policeman, because shes already in and im out, its me who has to find somewhere else to go while I get this sorted. Being a Saturday, the council arent open. Kudos to PC Brown, who was livid at the officer who made that choice afters, but cant turn back time I guess.
Step in a couple of good friends Nick and Jenny who allowed me to stay there while I sort something out, and their cats Smokey Bacon and NoTail (3 guesses why shes called that...). Had a rather normal weekend with friends so to speak, and Monday rolled in.
One thing I learnt that Monday from the council, they are very good at telling you what they cant do, not what they can do. I had two options, sign myself off the tenacy or apply for legal action to get my flat back. Signing myself off meant I would completely lose my home, so, for a while I was considering the legal route. But it was my daughters home, and if it wasnt for her, I dont think I would have gone for the option I did. I signed myself off the tenacy, not straight away, of course. I was still living on my friends sofa, and my first port of call was get myself out there and off their sofa, as I am very sure they wanted the space back. Contacted a Homeless Prevention Team who got me to contact a place called 2 Saints (http://www.twosaints.org.uk/) who arranged an interview with me, next day if memory serves me correctly. I speak to this chap called Martin at 2 Saints, who in turn passes me to this guy called Nick, after splitting with my partner and attempt on my life, Speaking to Nick was perhaps mistake number 3 of really big mistakes I made. At first, he contacted this landlord, who had flats in the Shirley region of Southampton, one bed room I was told, but they are still being built/converted. He had a room in a shared house for me to go and wait, the wait which was only meant to be a month or less, so I signed the paperwork. I treated Nick and Jen to a meal of their choice as a thank you. (They went for curry, fyi).
It was around this time I got a letter from Eric Robinsons (That'll be her solicator) telling me to keep my distance after a period of physical and mental abuse, which is something else my solicator is looking at.
Next fun bit was getting my stuff back. Another couple of friends of ours tried to remain in the middle and not take sides, Pat and Cara. Cara acted as some kinda mediator and arranged it for me to phone up my ex to arrange my stuff. (Meanwhile, I contacted BT to place a block on the line, as I was still paying for the phonebill at my now old address, it cost me £26 and she still managed to run up £200+ phone bill. Thanks BT!). To cut a long story short, she refused point blank over the phone for me to get my stuff, I just hang up, she then phones up Pat and Cara and tells them to get round there as shes about to throw all my stuff out. Pat phones me up and we arrange a way for them to meet up with Nick (who has a car) to try and grab whatever.
This next part is relayed to me from Nick, Pat and Cara as I didnt go to the old flat so I wouldnt trigger a scene. She didnt let Pat and Cara into the flat, as she was scared (although she knew both of them now for 7 - 8 years). They had to wait outside for the parents to get there. In trying to get the stuff, the digs where flying, Pat even told them to shut up as it was his friend they were talking about, I understand that Cara tried to act as a mediator again for me to see Jessica, the Mother said no and the ex has told Jessica im dead, so far so good.
Soooo, got stuff out, got place to go to, had nice meal with friends, I move into my little temporary room.
6 Weeks past, Nick hasnt been returning my calls asking about whats happening with this "one bedroom flat". I go down to two saints, he tells me he has got my messages but has nothing to report as they are still being built. I said, well, why dont you just tell me that then? I set out to find another flat, as it seems this one bedroom place isnt happening. Find another landlord, who required a deposit, my sister points out that 2 Saints have a deposit scheme, great! I thought. This scheme was run by Nick. After talking to him over the phone, he asks me into the office, I cant go with another landlord he states. Whys that? asks I. You have already signed an agreement stating I will be moving into this "one bedroom flat" and lo and behold, only when asking for a deposit, do I get word that this flat is now ready! And to top it off, ive got two days to sort the move out. In steps Nick and Jenny again with their amazing car! And the move happens.
Let me introduce you all to my one bedroom flat....
Yes, I like Guitar Hero... call it a guilty plesure...Anyways, thats pretty much my entire flat at the time, not so much one bedroom... More bedsit, with a closet cunningly disguised as a toilet. The cupboards on the right is what you can see of my kitchen and I shared garden access with one other person, who turned out to be my nightmare.
The flat wasnt insulated properly and it had a small storage heater, with no brick, so it couldnt store. It was very good at costing alot of electricity to use mind, I brought an oil heater from Argos, but even that could help with the change in the weather. I lived there when we had that cold front over Christmas and new year and the flat got bitterly cold, not taking your coat and gloves off was normal and it was still too cold. I kept telling myself it was roof, and I could have been worse off. Just before New Year, my landlord came knocking by, turns out my housing allowence wasnt being covered, I was stuck on Incapacity Benefit and he wanted £84 a fortnight aswell what social was paying him, otherwise get out. With that amount of money out of my pocket and the inability to heat it, the flat was killing me, literary. Couple this with my dungeon neighbour, who was a raging alcholic made my life pretty miserable.
It was getting to around Febuary time, I was pretty down and my dearest adopted sister couldnt help either, until one day she was alone in Starbucks. And bumped into an old friend of ours, Sarah Gale. (She used to be my landlord, if you will, when I had to stay in a YMCA about ten years ago.) She now worked for a seperate homeless team, who, it transpires wont touch Nick with a barge pole, she hooked me up with another Landlord, who got me a place in the centre of town, its a tad small, but it is a proper one bedroom flat, and put me in a better space than I was back in the old place.
Cue Nick and Jenny for another move! (Bless em)
2 Saints Nick has now been, erm, "No longer in his original postion" basically, I believe he got the sack, but there is still people looking into various things around him and my old landlord, im now in my new flat, slowly picking myself back up again.
During all this, the fight for Jessica access is now reaching a point of court action. I wasnt able to see my daughter before Christmas, and only about 4 times since, with my ex no longer returning any messages, ive since contacted my own solicator, so watch this space in that regard. I can predict that my ex will be getting a letter in the post soon she really isnt going to like, but we shall wait and see.
But, im in a better place now, Ive taken up my archery properly and made some new friends along the way, Craig, Steve, Carlos and not forgetting Bev! Close old friends became closer, Nick and Jenny, Pat and Cara, my poor suffering adopted Sister. And reconnected with old friends, Pete, Darren and Wes, so you could say ive been doing better now than I have done in the past, still some issues to sort out, but im getting there.
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